I got a bogey and won a hole

There are three reasons why I now like golf. Number 1: Its light exercise, you feel energised but not sweaty. Number 2: It’s full of innuendo potential (bogies, balls and holes). Number 3: I’m good at it. And I only like things that I’m good at. I don’t have time to feel useless with a hobby that I’m not good at. Why waste time being rubbish when I can fly high with trampolining or feel righteously angry when watching Arsenal.

Don’t me wrong I’m no Tiger Woods. For starters I couldn’t manage the amount of affairs he can. Not the morality of it but the logistics. I would need a spreadsheet. But I did do well for a first timer. As the title describes I got a bogey and won a hole, which is not too shabby. In case you don’t know anything about golf, I’ll explain why I keep talking about hardened snot like it’s a positive thing. Each golf course has a ‘Par’ which is the amount of strokes a golfer should take to complete a hole. For instance, if you were to play on a 3 par course and it took you 3 strokes (hits of the ball) to get your ball in the hole then you are on par. If it takes you 2 strokes then you are one under par which is nicknamed a birdie. If it takes you 4 strokes then you are one over par which is nicknamed a bogey. So it took me 4 strokes on a 3 par course to complete a hole, which is a bogey. But on that particular hole it took my fellow players Steve and Rob more strokes. Which means I also won the hole as I took the least amount of strokes to complete the hole. Yeah me.

Now, let me talk a bit more about the guys who let me share their hobby with them. Their names are Steve and Rob, and they’re members of North Foreland Golf Club in Broadstairs. They have been going to the club for about 7 years now, are both members of the committee and Rob has been made captain for the Northcliffe Course. From my day out with the guys on the course, I can see the appeal of both the game and their club. The club is situated on the Broadstairs cliff tops with beautiful views of the sea and lighthouse. It’s a very social place and many members don’t even play golf they just hang out in the clubhouse and go to the socials. Which I personally think is a bit weird but who am I to judge? No wait a minute that’s what these blogs are all about, trying other people’s hobbies and judging them. I love judging. Which reminds me, my trampoline club is sending me on a judging course, so I can judge at competitions. How amazing? Being asked to judge people and speak my mind.

Back to golf now, where I was actually a little bit worried about being judged myself. The day before I went to play golf I had some panicked conversation with friends about what to wear. I was told that I would need to wear smart trousers which are a big problem for me. Not because I’m some weird bottom halved nudist but because I live in skirts and dresses. The only trousers I have are pyjama or jogging. Oh and two pairs of linen pairs, one of which I had to throw away as they had a massive hole. And the time, effort and cotton cost to sew them would cost more than their Primark value. So I had to ask my housemate to borrow some of her black trousers which were bad for three reasons. 1: She is average height while I have the legs of a small child so they were a little bit too long. 2: She is slimmer than me so I had problems breathing whilst sitting due to the digging in 3: Black trousers bring back my waitressing days and coming home smelling of sweat and toasties. But as I travelled up there with Steve I realised there was no need for this discomfort as I found out that non – members don’t have to dress as smart and can wear jeans (or a pair of non holed linen trousers in my case). The only clothing rule for non members is that the men must wear a top and not go topless. This is a worrying sign of today’s society when you have to make a rule about men keeping their tops on when in England.

I was also worried about the golfing stereotype that it’s for middle class men only. I tend to react badly around posh men who expect their women to be seen and not heard. I just want to swear really loudly. I would be the worse trophy wife ever. Apart from the short, chubby thing, I would be constantly fighting the urge to sing the chants I learnt on my 18 – 30 holidays. And those lyrics have no place outside of Malia and Kavos. But it wasn’t intimating at all. Okay, I went round the course with two friends but the place had a real relaxing and welcoming feel to it. Though I did discover that it was only a few years ago that the rules were changed so a woman could stand at the bar by herself. Which upsets me in ways I find hard to explain without swearing. But things have changed and women members are more than just the wives of players now, they are players in their own right.

So all in all it’s difficult not to enjoy a Sunday afternoon that involves walking along the Broadstairs cliffs with a couple of friends. By being allowed to work out your frustrations by hitting a ball with a club and watching it sail through the air. I also enjoyed the innuendo potential, one particular highlight was being told by a grown man that I could “Wash his balls” (There’s a little machine on the course where you can clean your golf balls). Then finishing the afternoon up with a lime and soda in the clubhouse. But unfortuanly I can’t take up another hobby at the moment. They conflict enough already, the other night I had to cancel trampolining to watch the Arsenal v Barcelona match. I have also cancelled two sport club/centre memberships in the last year. British Military Fitness because it was too hard and Kingsmede Leisure Centre because DW Gym is prettier. So I can’t afford to become a member of anything else. But I would defiantly play again…but in comfier trousers. Thanks to Steve and Rob for showing me a good time.

Next fad: Burlesque dancing